Zyword of the Week episode 7: Oasis of the East

Normally on this column, I would write about something that I hate, to the point where I wish it didn't exist. This week I am going to tell you about something good, something that would have been good, had it panned out.

As you may know, my favorite anime of 2010 was Eden of the East, a fascinating thriller/rom-com combo. I am currently re-watching the show, so I may post a formal review in the near future. Anyway, one of the many things that made Eden of the East so special were its closing credits, a paper-craft animation that showed incredible levels of both imagination and skill from the studio, and the song "Futuristic Imagination" is real good. It can be viewed here. However, I was struck by a rather sterile mood to the opening, a certain unimportant mood that seemed odd to me for a series so emotional. The song, "Michael or Belial", is by no means a bad song, just... it doesn't quite fit. There's a good reason for that.

You see, that isn't the real opener, this is. The song is "Falling Down" by the insanely popular American band Oasis. Isn't that impressive? And one would think this would be great cross-promotion for an english anime distributor like Funimation. Herein lies the problem.

The thing is, theme songs have to be licensed separately by the localizer. This usually is isn't a big problem, but with a big band like Oasis, who are attached to a major US music label, Funimation would have to pay through the nose for the song, and were only able to get it for 2 episodes on DVD, and 0 online. I find this stupid. The band already agreed to put their song in the show, so why does Funimation, who are only localizing an already produced and distributed show, have to pay for the song? It just seems kinda silly to me. It could have been a big thing for anime in America, but poof, gone. I wish that hadn't happened.

Zyword of the Week episode 6: Narutoriginality

That's a lot of dudes.
I like Naruto, okay? It's very well written. I even enjoy the "Shippuden" arc, even though it's obvious that the series has lost steam at this point. But you know what I don't like about Naruto? How everyone seems to think it is the most original series ever. Because it isn't.

For example, take the nine-tailed fox demon. Wow! That's so random! Nothing like this has ever been done before... oh, wait.

That's right, nine-tails there is a classic part of japanese mythology. It's appearance in manga is about as unique as space aliens in american comics. You see, Naruto is riddled with age old cliches like swiss cheese is riddled with holes. I do not enjoy Naruto for it's originality, but for the strong writing, alike to the way Super Hero fans enjoy a comic book by Brian Michael Bendis. It's not for the new stuff, but for the old feeling new again. Because of this, I hope Naruto ends soon, because it's getting old again, making it lose the point.

Zyword of the Week episode 5:The Manganime Conundrum

Naruto Uzumaki, Naruto
I'm sure you know this guy up there. I'm not recalling his name at the moment, but he's kinda famous. This boy ninja has had an incredible amount of success over the years, with plenty of well deserved fans, and wouldn't you know it, they made an anime! Oh yes, now I remember his name. Ramen. Anyway, the anime is more popular than the manga OK moving along...WHA?

Monkey D. Luffy, One Piece
I have never understood this, and likely never will. Manga adaptions of anime or video games are often overlooked, and video game adaptions of popular series are often hyped heavily, but are soon forgotten. But an ANIME? Stop the presses! This is big and historic! Who give a sh** about the manga now! This is...

Haruhi Suzumiya, The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya
I don't want to be a prude, but most anime adaptions are boring if you've already read the manga of played the game or read the novel or whatever. The problem is that with some exceptions (Fullmetal Alchemist, Akira, Ghost in the Shell), nearly every adaption follows the original to the letter, except for when they want to cram in ten episodes of boring filler arcs that are easy to skip.

Son Goku, Dragon Ball
The fact of the matter is, these shows are made for TV. It's fun to tune in once a week with your friends to see Goku come to life in gorgeous animation. But the problem is, that is not what happens here. Nothing is shown on TV. Rather, we are given DVD box sets and simulcasts to watch alone. I don't wish this didn't exist, exactly, but it's kinda too bad.

Conan Edogawa, Case Closed
I think the answer to this issue is more anime movies. This seems to be the general path that the anime industry seems to be going in anyway, but the fact remains that nobody ever takes the risk of changing the original to create something new unless it's a movie. Plus, no filler. I'd say that's a pretty good deal.

Zyword of the Week episode 4: Five Dubs I Will Never Watch

The dub industry rocks. I respect what they do, and everyone in the dub industry seems to love what they are doing. However, when the dub is butchered, there  may be no going back. I raise my fists to the sky and wish a plague of locusts on everyone to ever english dub an anime EVER. Okay, that was an exaggeration, but you get the picture. Here are five dubs in no particular order that made me fume.

1. Naruto
Come on guys, one...two....three..."SAAAAAAASUUUUUUUKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!" Of course, Naruto was already annoying in the first place, but somehow, the good folks at Viz made the Naruto anime UNWATCHABLE. Naruto, our hero, was so annoying I actually could not root for him, which, despite the fact that he never made sense to me as protagonist in a "train-to-be-the-best" Shonen, was something I was able to do before.

2. Fullmetal Alchemist
Man, if someone were to actually read my blog, I would get so much sh*t for saying this. The dub of Hagaren is generally agreed upon as Best. Dub. Ever, and indeed, it's quite good. But I just cannot STAND the voice actor for Ed, and since he's the main character, that is a problem. Also, I do not mind the butchering of the english names in the Japanese, because right now I am learning Japanese and find this fun. However, if I were to watch this with a friend (the best way to watch anime in my opinion), I'd watch the dub. I don't hate it so much not to give it a second chance, but that is certainly not true with...

3. End of Evangelion

I don't mind the TV series dub so much, though I prefer the japanese track, but after getting the license from under ADV's nose, Manga Entertainment proceeded to create a big eff you to every Evangelion fan ever. Though some of the performances are good, great even, everything is wrong about this. Serious scenes are turned into "jokes." Words are intentionally mispronounced. The video quality is crud. Recast side characters sound totally different from the TV show's dub. The commentary track reveals the AV director's total lack of understanding of what is going on, while the normally down to earth Tallison Jaffe natters on about a book he read about the Kabbalah. I happen to be against fan subs and scanlates, but you know what? Go for it, dudes. They deserve it. Fan dub it, too.

4. Dragon Ball GT
GT itself is not a great show, seeing as not even the manga dared to keep the undead franchise rolling on THIS much, but at the end of the day, it's fun to watch and soothes my soul from the troubles of the world. This cannot be said of the dub. It is so lazy production-wise, not to mention performance-wise, that I could literally make a better one with Garage Band. Even worse is the re-dub of the theme song, that sounds like it was done in five minutes.

5. Every 4Kids Dub Ever
While I like the Pokemon theme song, which is basically every shonen ever set to music, that's about it. How dare they do what they did to the anime version of Cardcaptor Sakura, to Shaman King, to (oh god) ONE PIECE! WHY GOD WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I wish this didn't exist.

Zyword of the Week episode 3- Get Off My Lawn

OK, so I have begun watching Mobile Suit Gundam, currently streaming on Crunchyroll, and I love it. Cool robots, expert plotting, smart protagonists, and some neat military flourishes to boot. It's only available in dub, but it's okay because the dub is good. However, there is one thing that bothers me, or rather, three:

Those dang kids! I HATE them! They are ugly. They are dated. They are completely out of place. Every time they appear, it runs the show into the ground. It's as if Yoshiyuki Tomino had some great plan with the characters, (apparently one of them has a big role in Zeta Gundam) but decided "Eh, whatevs," and made THIS instead. I am aware that Tomino was trying to avoid the Super Robot tropes as much as possible, so this really begs the question: WHAT THE HELL WAS HE THINKING!?!?!?!?!? Oh, well. Great show otherwise.

Zyword of the week episode 2: A very Beriichi Christmas

 Okay, to be honest, I don't hate what I am about to talk about with a fierce passion, which will be mostly what I will talk about in this column. But it's Christmastime, and Christmastime is not a time for rage, just mild displeasure. Anyway, it is something I wish did not exist, and that is what this column is about.
  Bleach requires no introduction. Alongside Naruto and One Piece, it represents the third half of the modern Shonen Jump's holy trinity of gargantuan manga properties. Naruto is overlong, but the author clearly loves writing it. One Piece is genuinely amazing, as I have detailed previously. However, Bleach is just sad.
 It began sublimely, with a small cast and a fun premise, with stylish art to boot. Written by Tite Kubo, the story followed the adventures of Ichigo "Strawberry" Kurosaki, and orange-haired tough guy who can see ghosts, Rukia Kuchiki, a soul reaper (shinigami in original japanese) who, after accidentally giving Ichigo all her powers, acts as his mentor, his friends Orihime and Chad, Kon, a talking stuffed animal (long story), and their adventures fighting "Hollows", incomplete and therefore evil spirits. With that begins a fun, stylish romp though otherworldly spooks. It was even better than One Piece. Until...volume four.
  It's no secret that the Shonen Jump editors secretly control all the manga. Dragon Ball Z is probably the most famous examples of an editor forcing an author to change their plans for, well, monetary reasons. However, none have been ever so shocking as what happened to Bleach. In volume 4, Rukia is kidnapped by her evil brother, and with the help of some side characters who will never appear again, Ichigo and team go to the Soul Society to save her. I must admit, at first this idea left me a little giddy with fanboy excitement. If Bleach was neat and off the wall, who knows what will happen when the rules of the normal world are completely scrapped. It was going to be like One Piece's Grand Line. Boy, was I in for a shock. Lame, repetitive plotline of fight-lose-train-win-train. Stock, cliche characters. Hard-to-follow script. Random use of Ki. No character development for anyone but Ichigo, if you call power ups development anyway. Lack of trademark wit and spunk. And, of course, financial success. I hate to say this, since I have many friends who happen to be die hard fans of Bleach, but this series is ruined for me now. Bleach is dead. A different, lower quality series that happens to be called Bleach has taken its place. I really wish this new series didn't exist.

Zyword of the Week episode 1: ZyWHA?!?!?

Sorry for not updating last week; to be honest, I'm super tired. During this super cool holiday season , I will post this, along with a best of oh-ten list, and *possibly* more. Our regularly scheduled Eva analysis and random reviews will return next year.

OK then, welcome to my newest feature!!! (BTW, MVs You Will Like is dead) Zyword of the Week is about things that you wish you didn't exist, that could potentially single-handedly make one leave the otaku life forever and not look back, and how y'know, terrible they are. Today we will be discussing Zyword, and it's (lack of) many nuances.
It was customer appreciation day at my local comic store, and they were giving away free stuff. Of course, everything they were giving away was crap. Love Hina the Novelization (?), FLCL the bad manga version, an absolutely horrible-looking OEL called Harvey and Etsuko, and... Zyword. Attracted to the flashy cover art, the mention of the author, Tamayo Akiyama, being a former member of the shojo super group CLAMP (it did not occur to me that there was probably a good reason for that "former" bit), and I dunno, it just felt like destiny. Anyway, I'm glad I got it, because in doing so, I have prevented someone else from ever needing to suffer though this turd.
 To begin, let's look at the dialogue. Here is some examples of the less contrived speech:

"And she has FOUR ranks of custom-color spells?"


"Luna, don't you ever listen? I've told you over and over--when breaking spells, always take your surroundings into consideration! The weather, the terrain... You produced a flame spell without checking how much power to use first and now you've lowered the air pressure of this area!"


"You're insane! I don't care care HOW powerful you are-- but it's IMPOSSIBLE to collect a shield spell!"


However, the art style is quite nice. Akiyama did the character designs for Magical Knight Rayearth, and the art effectively emulates the finer points of early CLAMP. However, I could hardly tell, because the art is so awash in screen tone it looks like someone sneezed on all the pages. I mean, the pages originally in color look LESS muddy than the rest of the goddamn book! As the author herself mentions in the back notes, "I've beenexperimenting with the computer more lately." No, REALLY?
Also, many designs are downright derivative. For example, let's look at The animal mascot, Ride. Ride looks exactly like Mokona from Rayearth, Tsubasa, and xxxHOLiC (none of which are porn, and all of which are CLAMP titles), except with a six-pointed star lazily slapped on to make it more "magic." Ugh.
 Now, you may notice that I have not discussed the plot of Zyword at all and that is because it is completely incomprehensible. The first line in the book is "The Chaotic Spell World." One would expect an explanation of what this "Chaotic Spell World" is, right? Nope! I think that it was the titular Zyword, but honestly, I'm not even totally sure about that. Eventually, I gave up on trying to follow the story (was there even one?), and just aimlessly flipped through the book in abject horror.
The sad thing about this book is that it could very easily be much, much better. This artist is very talented, and unlike me, has a good grasp on how to tell an involving story. But instead, we get a confusing, muddled mess. If you showed me this when I was getting into manga, I'd have stopped reading on the spot and never look back. I really wish this didn't exist.