Sunday, July 10, 2011

Summer Streaming Season Part One: The Shallow End

(Disclaimer: I have never seen Blood: The Last Vampire, and judge this show on its own merits)
Meet Saya! She is very nice, but also clumsy! Hello Saya! Watch her 1) pray 2) go to school 3) be kind to animals 4) fall on her face 5) sing a song 6) BEAT THE LIVING SH*T OUT OF A MONSTER 7) the end!
So concludes the first episode of Blood:C, a disappointingly fluffy addition to the popular Blood franchise created by the artist collective CLAMP (Cardcaptor Sakura, Clover) and Production IG (Ghost in the Shell, FLCL). As you can probably tell, the plot's about as deep as the shallow end of an inflatable pool, but B:C (why can't this show have dinosaurs?) does have some good points aesthetically. As always, Mokona's designs are F***ING GORGEOUS, and IG's animation is incredible, though not quite at FLCL level. It should also be mentioned that Nana Mizuki has a really pretty singing voice. I want one of her CDs! In short, this is basically 24 minutes of talented people doing nothing. But it's watchable nothing, so it's at least worth a boredom look, if nothing else. NNN (out of a possible 5 Ns)
Blood: C (AKA: Before: Common Era) is streaming on NicoNico

Uta no Prince-Sama
There is exactly one great character in Uta no Prince Sama, a reverse harem set at a music (read: J-Pop) boarding school. His name is Shining Saotome, the academy's incredibly rad and impeccably dressed headmaster. Were this show just about Mr. Saotome and his madcap antics, this would be the best anime of the year by default. Sadly, we only get about two minutes of his shtick, and we're back to stock characters, bland cliches, and annoying J-Pop.
Haruka is a...girl. She likes music. That's basically all we know about her. She's a viewer stand-in though, so it doesn't really matter, does it. She attends the Saotome Academy, a prestigious boarding school where good little children get to do J-Pop with their favorite idols! Haruka then meets a bunch of bishonen heartthrobs, each with their own distinctive gimmick, who semi-fawn over her and do J-Pop! Then they do J-Pop! Plus: Dark past. If you thought High School Musical was a work of art, you'll love Prince-Sama. Otherwise, there are only two minutes of the show you need to watch. I think you can guess. NN
Uta no Prince-Sama (AKA: Uta no POS-Singers) is streaming on NicoNico
A Dark Rabbit has Seven Lives
So.... A six-year-old moe vampire Himea sucks six-year-old boy Taito's... blood. Nine years later, fifteen-year-old silver-haired ulgyboy Taito has forgotten everything, and Himea, who still has the body of a six-year-old, sits around naked somewhere. Meanwhile, a random evil dude named Gekkou sits around being evil while his furry friend makes sex sounds. Then furry gets thirsty. Then furry nearly gets hit by a convenient car, but is saved by...Taito! And his head fell off, because that always happens when a car hits you. But then he's still alive, which reminds me of this. Then Tight-O remember Himea, Hime grows boobs, Tightie Whities runs a bit in a remakably poorly animated sequence (I believe there are exactly 3 frames). Then they meet again at last. Then Evil Gecko kills Himea! Oh noes!
My god is this show bad. It's uncontrollably ugly, preposterously perverted, completely cliched, sickeningly sloppy, and just plain old unwatchable. That last sentence probably took more effort to write then the whole episode. I can't imagine who this anime is for, and I do not want to know. The very act of imagining someone liking this makes me feel like vomiting. Good luck sitting through this turkey, my friends, or better yet, don't. 0
A Dark Rabbit has Seven Lives (AKA: I Put All the Effort into the Title) is streaming on NicoNico

Twin Angel: Twinkle Paradise
Haruka and Aoi, two normal high school girls from a world where looking 4 is normal for high schoolers, are secretly Twin Angel, two magical girl phantom thieves (who don't steal anything) who fight crimes such as vegetable robbery, stealing the magic tiara, and turning people into cats(?). They're also sometimes helped by Misty Knight *cough-Tuxedo Mask-cough*, a tall dark handsome mystery man with a mask... and a tuxedo.... Can they stop the bad guys? Will their secret identities be safe? And most importantly, aren't they adorable? AWWWW....
Twin Angel: Twinkle Paradise takes from the shallow end of the inflatable pool to a drop of spit on the ground. The show is a downright insult to the viewer's intelligence, even though said viewers are mostly three years old. I can't imagine any of this content being of any interest to anyone not three, and even an infant would rather watch something else! Did I mention the show is also mildly perverted? It should come as little shock, as the series is based on a pachinko game (a medium which brought us such classics as Rio - Rainbow Gate), but STILL! I should note that I am not referring to the transformation sequence - that is a staple of the Magical Girl genre, and it should be expected. But really, COME ON. Jiggling breasts? Cat girls on all fours? What the hell are you thinking!? If you are going to make a show for toddlers MAKE IT FOR TODDLERS. Idiots. Negative -N-N-N
Twin Angel: Twinkle Paradise (AKA: I Cannot Believe I Just Typed That) is streaming on NicoNico

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